Pay Attention to Signals

Get in-touch with what your body is telling you.

Hate is a strong word. I don’t use it often, but in this case it is completely appropriate.

I hate the term “Terrible Two’s”.

We are 5 months from our 4th round of having a 2-year-old in our home. Sure, it’s crazy. Absolutely, it’s loud. Exhausting? Just read my post about consistency to feel tired along with me. But to say that having a two-year-old is terrible – or worse that the two-year-old is terrible – no way. A two-year-old human is a fascinating glimpse into my own two-year-old moments as an adult.

It’s all about signals. Understanding them. Interpreting them. Addressing them…appropriately. When I take a breath in the chaos and look for the root problem, it becomes clear that most tantrums come from being tired, hungry, uncomfortable, or just plain misunderstood. When you think about it, adulting falls into the same pattern. Our expression may be different, but the root issues are very much the same. Yet as an adult, we don’t always have a big person nearby to help us wade through the waters where emotions mix with physical, mental and spiritual needs.

Much like a child that wants to play their way, in their time instead of sharing in the joy of companionship (or stopping to have their diaper changed or hunger quenched), I have a tendency to ignore needs for wants and often hurt myself and others in the process. I’m learning that choices like pushing past tired to complete a task or have “alone time” often results in short-fused tantrums because what I needed was rest. Yet, like a child yelling because the triangle won’t fit through the circle, I blow past the signal that I’m doing something wrong (or at least less than optimal) and demand my way in my time regardless of the consequences.

So, what are some of those signals and how do we identify them and address them appropriately?

The complexity in which we are designed gives rise to the possibility of multiple convoluted feelings to be experienced at once. This overlapping of joy with sadness, excitement with fatigue, hunger with anxiety (and the list goes on…) leads to a need for purposefully taking stock. Am I hungry or bored? Am I anxious because I need rest or do I need to get in some movement and let off steam? Should I invite time with others or time to be alone right now? Am I saying, “Yes” to meet a goal or afraid to say, “No”? Are those thoughts true or me allowing feelings to guide my decisions? Why am I doing _____ (fill in your “this”)?

The beauty of decision is that we are separated from squirrels and their animal friends (my mind enjoys chasing squirrels as much as the next person, but in this case I’m talking about the furry ones in your yard). We have the ability to think, not just respond. The dilemma seen through the actions of a 2-year-old results from the transition of responding (to reflexes and instincts like our furry friends) to exploring what we want. A small child will eat when hungry and stop when satisfied. Yet, when thought and will are introduced, that same child now screams for a sweet treat in place of the sound meal placed before them. There it is - the battle of want vs need.  There is nothing inherently wrong with a sweet treat, but instead of making it a part of the meal that provides the balance of nutrition…that child (and often my adult self) feels the desire to demand the want over the actual need. The signal the body is sending is for sustenance or energy. Although the quick fix of energy through a sweet treat will meet that need for a short time, the existence of better long-term fuels such as proteins and fats provide a balance that keeps the body from revving and crashing multiple times a day. However, sweets also make parts of our brain fire that say, “Wow, that felt great! I want that as often as possible!” Therefore, the signal of hunger is compounded with messages of tasty, fun, exciting, savory and so many other options. This is true of signals concerning needs that reach far beyond our dinner plate.

Diversity and complexity are beautiful gifts that allow us to form opinions, gain unique perspectives and live vibrant lives. However, just because we can doesn’t mean we should.

My child can continue to hammer the wood block against the shape sorter, but no knowledge will be gained and they are likely to pinch a finger eventually. It’s much the same with our decisions. Continuing to let feelings guide decisions unchecked, rather than evaluating the actual signal or need, leads to the same pattern of choices we have taken before. Allowing room for wants in balance with needs requires taking stock, owning our decisions, addressing what we can control and paying attention to fundamental needs we each have. This is not a guilt trip or shaming session – no. Rather, this is an opportunity to learn from past (and as they happen, future) mistakes to reset the trajectory we choose for our lives to take. Keep in mind that there is very little we control in this life, but our decisions for course correction are absolutely one of them.

 Let’s take a lesson from our 2-year-old companions and begin to sift through the signals our brain is receiving. Don’t be afraid to ask, “Why?”. This may require quiet reflection on your own, bouncing lessons off of a trusted friend or even the help of a professional. As you explore your signals and how you are interpreting them, don’t be afraid to ask for help when needed. As children we had caretakers that were tasked with helping us learn through our mistakes (some more apt than others as my children can attest…I have plenty of days where I have more than a few screws loose). Yet, now as adults we have to make the decision to ask for help to prevent the wheels from flying off as we journey along.

So, how about you? Are you seeing places in your life where your finger is getting smashed because you keep shoving the triangle in the circle? If you are repeating decisions you’d rather avoid, take note of the things or circumstances that trigger those decisions. Then, dig a little to see if there is a signal of basic need you are blowing past with learned coping behaviors that are leaving you stuck. We can learn new patterns when we take the time to recognize and correct the broken ones.  

written by Kelli Keller, D.O.