I’m fine.
How to be more than fine.
Life can be hard. Even when it’s great, it can still be hard.
Really hard.
How often have I said, “I’m fine,” when I really meant – “I’m too tired to argue…” or “I’m so overwhelmed I don’t know where to start…” or “I’m drowning, but you don’t want to deal with that.”
You too?
The truth is, we are not fine. Or are we?
The kids and I recently read a book where the main character is a 2nd grader and the teacher encourages vocab exploration by defining new words. So, in the spirit of expanding our word knowledge…did you know that “fine” means:
Of high quality.
In a satisfactory or pleasing manner; very well.
So maybe I actually am fine. I am of high quality (so are you). Things do happen in a satisfactory or pleasing manner at times. The problem is, I’ve gotten so twisted up and bent over that my “fine” is anything but fine. So let me put it plainly. I am not (always) O.K.
I don’t mean that in a “tell you what you want to hear” kind of way. I mean – sometimes I just want to cry even when things look like it’s going well. Sometimes I lose my temper (just ask my kids or husband). Sometimes I get mad for all the wrong reasons and then I’m slow to admit that I was wrong…and often even slower to apologize. Sometimes it all just seems too much. Then other times I believe lies that tell me I’m not a good friend or I’m not a good mom or I’m not a good wife or, simply, I’m not good at anything.
You may not need to hear this right now or even later today. But at some point you will have a moment when you need to remember that in your not-ok-ness you are not alone. I am not ok either. None of us are.
And that is ok.
If you are in a spot where it is easier to just say you are fine (in a not-so-fine way) than it is to be honest, hear me clearly. You are worth the time. Worth the honesty. Worth the effort. You are worth it.
Don’t believe the lie that everyone else has it altogether – my family pictures and selfies tend to leave out the tantrums, arguments, pimples and unflattering angles just like the next person. But believe me those things and many more unsightly behaviors are there not so deep beneath the surface of the smiles.
Here’s the thing. The ugly parts of life do not make the beautiful, pretty-picture-making moments any less real or awesome. We are all a jumbled, beautiful mess.
In the moments that it is more than just not ok, know this: I have had friends, family members and patients alike that have had suicidal thoughts. More sobering – I have had fleeting thoughts of life being better without me at various points in my life. Those moments do not define my friends, family members, patients or myself. Dark moments do not define you either.
Recent news has made the heart-shattering prevalence of depression, suicidal ideation and acts of suicide a more recognizable issue. This is not something that just happens to the down-and-out. It can happen to anyone. So, pretending it does not exist and that everything is fine helps no one. When it comes to the very real topic of the emotional highs and lows of life there are really two kinds of people:
The person that is at peace with who they are in spite of their imperfections and is open to loving those around them.
The person that is struggling to see the high quality in which they were created and is in need of love being shared.
Each of us are one of these people at any given time.
You can’t always tell where someone else is in the flux.
So, to those living in Camp 1 today, look up and look around. See the people next to you and share love. Even if that person looks like they have it all together. It could be that they too are in a good spot at that moment. It could be that they have mastered faking it. Share a kind word, a heart-felt compliment, a smile, a note, a text, a call, a what-ever-gets-the-point-across. Let other people know, “You are loved.”
To those living in Camp 2 today, don’t camp alone. Ask for help. If you don’t feel comfortable reaching out to a friend or family member, there are links below that can put you in touch with people who want to help. You are not alone. You were placed here at this very moment for a reason and you have a unique and important role in this world. Be encouraged, you will not be in Camp 2 forever and you will then be the person sharing encouragement with others.
Let’s agree to be more than fine. Let’s be real together.
written by Kelli Keller D.O.
To reach out for help:
If you are having thoughts of harming yourself, get help at the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
If you are looking for local help dealing with life, check out our livableYOU Local Reps to find a professional near you.
